LYRICS
Strong All Along
By Elaine D. Sanders
October 18, 2007
I’m moving on
No looking back
I just have to trust my heart
On this new track
Hard to believe
That you can’t love
But now I know–got to move on
Me and God above
No longer doubt
I know I’m fine
Just have to trust I’ve learned a lot
No wasted time
It hurts to know
You’ve given up
But I can’t help or change your heart
I’ve had enough
This brand new road
It is my own
For the first time I lead the way
To the unknown
I face the fear
Fears from the past
Noone helped me know that I’m strong
But I’m strong at last
CHORUS
I am strong finally
I can make it on my own
I faced the truth that you can’t love
Now I’m strong and I’ve been strong all along
Now I’m strong and I’ve been strong all along
Dear Elaine,
I love your poem. It is true, it is hard to believe that they cannot love. I keep thinking that my mother and stepfather purposely act the way they do. Right now, I can not see them as disordered.
Yesterday, I took the GRE and I was nearly shaking, since my whole life I had been told that I was not that smart and could not do anything on my own. I remember in high school wondering what was real – I mean, literally wondering whether any of my accomplishments were real or whether my parents were right about me. I had some of these thoughts as I walked into the test center: “Maybe studying a lot as a way to get ready for a test will not be enough for me. I would need a miracle to do well.”
The first time I took the test I had a near panic attack, so I did not report my scores. This time around, I did report them, and I had a tremendous score that will put me in the running for nearly all graduate schools. I am glad my mother and stepfather are not in my life, since they would not help me celebrate. Years ago, when I got into a top college, my stepfather turned to me and said it was because he had increased his donations.
I think the most amazing part of my story is how I managed to survive as a fully formed adult, rather than a narcissist, but I know it was a close call. My initial psychotherapy appointments were much like the ones Alice Miller depicts. I have a hard time admitting how close I was to the edge, and I have a hard time forgiving myself for basically being a narcissist for a few years before I got help.
Sincerely,
Lily
Hi Lily, Thank you for your comment and for your kind words about my poem/lyrics. Congratulations for doing well on the GRE and just for taking it and studying for it–a wonderful accomplishment! My 20-year-old daughter also took it on the 19th so I know what this entails. Awful how your parents would undermine your confidence. Mine did the same thing. Look how far you’ve come from the first time you took it. Wow! Good for you! Hope you celebrate–you deserve it!
Thank you for sharing that you felt that you had some narcissistic traits at one time. We ALL can relate so please forgive yourself. I believe you never were or ever will be a narcissist–HSPs can never be! This is because all of us start out with a narcissistic disturbance when we are emotionally abused as tiny children–our “legitimate narcissistic needs” to be seen and mirrored and loved go “unmet” so we struggle to feel and give to others–BUT the big difference is, when WE do something that causes pain to another, we feel remorse and bad about ourselves and we look inward, want to change, and seek therapy etc. Narcissists feel “better” when they suck the life energy out of others and are incapable of looking inward or taking responsibility for their actions. See the difference? I believe this difference is at the soul level. You have a loving soul with much compassion for others, Lily. Thank you for bringing this up–I hope to make a Page on my blog explaining more about this. Warmest wishes to you, Elaine