What Does NARCISSISTIC Mean?

Hello and welcome.

If you have happened upon my website and are wondering if your parent is narcissistic or not, I have found a website that describes it very well.  Below is a link to an article from Out of the Fog.net that is entitled, “What’s It Feels Like To Live With Someone With NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)”.  I hope you find it to be helpful, and informative.

With Love, Elaine

http://www.outofthefog.net/Disorders/NPD.html#WhatItsLike
 

7 Responses

  1. diana drabble | Reply

    Thank you very much for your website Elaine. I am beginning to realise, through what you have written, how extremely traumatised i am and how much healing I need. Keeping it all in has made me ill to the extent I have little energy and a lot of physical pain. I look forward to reading more of your insight and advice. It encouraged me when you wrote we dont have to see that parent again. I was trying to obey the commandment to honour that parent. Have a lot of thinking to do.

    1. hopesinger | Reply

      diana, thank you for your comment. I am so glad my blog has been helpful to you in seeing things with a new hopeful perspective. I was just the same as you at one point in my life but it all changed little by little, by listening to my own feelings and being validated by others on a similar journey. You have turned a corner and awakened to the idea that you can have a better life! The healing has begun. Be very kind to yourself and honor YOUR feelings as a guide to what to do next. Realizing I could be free of my parent without guilt was such a relief to me and made all the difference in my life. Thank you for sharing your new-found awareness–it is so helpful to others who are still suffering in obedient fear. Warmest wishes, Elaine

  2. ladynyo | Reply

    This is helpful. What I am finding out is that there is a lot of impatience and outright anger from ‘friends’ who push their own solutions on you. I think all these issues have to be taken very carefully and studied deeply. You can’t rush into something like No Contact without understanding the fallout, the guilt and the potential backsliding.

    I am at a point where I know I have to do the No Contact, but I also know I have to know all the ramifications of this serious step. I don’t want the constant pain anymore, and I don’t want to be pushed into something I don’t thoroughly understand. I need to carefully proceed, regardless what others think.

    I have been short on loving myself, but I know where this comes from. It’s a life-long servitude to the chief narcissist and the fear (as has happened with a really nasty sister in law) of being reported to the chief narcissist for expressing my feelings and pain on the internet.

    No more. I am through with the cult of silence and denial. I know more and more what I need to do. Painful, but I have no real other choices if I want to regain my self-esteem.

    Lady Nyo

    1. Lily | Reply

      Dear Lady Nyo,

      When I began to maintain no contact with my NPD mother and stepfather, it was very painful and it was very hard for any of my friends to support me, but I managed to find enough support through therapy and my social network.

      You are right, you alone know when you feel like you are at the point where you are ready to maintain no contact, since no one else can make that decision for you. People who have not lived around those who constantly violate boundaries and cause pain do not know just how much of a toll it takes on the victim.

      I think it is great that you are venting through this post. I have used this site many times to help me, and in the process, I have successfully maintained no contact with my family for a year and eight months. It has been amazing to discover the new found self-esteem I am slowly building each time I take on new challenges and risks despite all the pain I feel.

      Thinking of you,

      Lily

    2. Elaine (hopesinger) | Reply

      Hi Lady Nyo, I apologize for not replying to your comment. It is my intention to reply to all comments and somehow I missed this one. Thank you so much for your comment–you bring up an important point. It is very important that a person have some supports in their life and to be prepared before going No Contact. Every family situation is unique and every Narcissistic parent different in their level of abuse. The potential for backsliding is real if you don’t anticipate the level of guilt-inducing, shaming, and angry threats that may require you to be very, very strong. Yes, absolutely one should be fully aware of the difficulties and proceed carefully. I understand the fear that has kept you from being able to express your true self and feelings. That is awful to have to live that way–with a chief narcissist as a dictator!

      Your comment will help others who also have had enough and are also ready to put themselves first to regain self-esteem and discover their inner strength. Well said! I hope my blog will support you as you decide what to do next. Warmest wishes for your continued healing, Elaine

  3. ladynyo | Reply

    Hi Elaine!

    When a child is traumatized, and becomes an adult there are numerous things that we drag into adulthood..and into our aging.

    So much is buried into our psyches…first as a child, then as an adult.

    Our survival as a child is predicated on our silence and our agreement with the narcissist. We don’t get to express our different, sometimes radically different opinions because we fear the anger and the isolation and the contempt of the Narcissist. When we are adult, we bring as terrible baggage in many of us: a particular numbness emotionally. We have ingested this fear of our opinions, our fear of any diverse thinking…anything that will go against the behavior (and create anger in the Narcissist). We don’t trust other people…we are suspicious of them…and we especially don’t trust ourselves.

    Perhaps those of us who DO survive childhood trauma turn to art, music, literature, and try to process those the trauma in these creative and DIVERSE ways. We try to process these long buried emotions that we have been denied to express as children and younger adults.

    It’s not that we have to do them well…it’s that these things….are openers to worlds where we push ourselves and honor those small steps we can make here.

    Many people who are artists of different natures have become so because their creativity springs from the earlier trauma.

    It’s something that defines us different from our parents…our Narcissistic mothers. It’s finding our own voices of belief in ourselves and our abilities.

    We end the numbness (because art, music, literature) demands that we dig deep within ourselves and TRUST that inate ability.

    We find our voices, even if we find them in old age.

    Lady Nyo

    1. Elaine (hopesinger) | Reply

      Lady Nyo, Thank you for your eloquent comment! So well said!! I agree with everything you say here! I especially like how you said “these things…are openers to worlds where we push ourselves and honor those small steps we can make here.” Yes! Through expressing our pain we grow stronger, and our creative true selves emerge and we see our purpose on this planet! And it is never too late! Thank you for this :) , Elaine

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