Welcome To The Blog For Highly Sensitive Souls In Search Of Emotional Support and Guidance For Healing Childhood Wounds.
New Post on September 4, 2014. Check it out!
You can read my latest blog posts by clicking on “Blog” above or in the side bar under Pages.
–Update March 20, 2014: New changes to this blog are explained on the About Me page–you may notice the new name of the Blog (formerly Hope and Healing with Elaine) and also that I am no longer going by my pen name Elaine and have revealed that my name is Roxanne Elaine Smith. You may notice many comments and testimonials addressed to Elaine–please address all new comments to Roxanne now. :D Thanks!
I have an exciting announcement to make!: My Songs of Hope and Healing, the inspiration for the name and starting of this blog, are now being professionally recorded (sung by me :) ) and available for download on my new music website RoxanneSmithMusic.com. New songs are always being added so please check it out! Your feedback and support is greatly appreciated as I work to get my healing songs out there to everyone and especially to those wounded souls who are interested in the healing power of music in their recovery from an abusive, neglectful, or traumatic childhood to living a life of wholeness and vitality–free of anxiety and self-doubt. It was the music that ultimately helped me to heal and inspired the creation of this blog and now I am thrilled to have been blessed with the opportunity to share these newly recorded songs with the world. Thank you all for your loving support in this creative endeavor! Please “like” my new facebook musician page-and help me get started!!-I will be putting all my songs on there and you can listen for free! With love and light, Roxanne–
Hi Everyone. Welcome to my Home Page! Whether you are new to this blog, or already a frequent visitor it is my sincere hope that you will find support, comfort, and inspiration on these pages devoted to highly sensitive (HSP) survivors of childhood emotional abuse (HSP is explained below). As a highly sensitive person myself, and as a life coach specializing in emotional healing of childhood wounds and trauma, I have much personal knowledge and wisdom to share. I love my work–there is no better feeling than helping other highly sensitive souls to feel good about themselves and their lives and to help them to heal their emotional wounds. In my opinion, my clients are among the kindest, most compassionate, gifted people on the planet!
It is interesting for me to take an objective look at this blog now that I have had a break from writing the posts as regularly as I used to–there is so much content here. The first post I wrote was back in January 2010, writing new posts every week at first. In a fall 2011 post, I talked about how I feel I healed one of my final big trauma-wounds—an abandonment wound from the time when I was only 1 and 1/2 when I was hospitalized for a week. I couldn’t remember it of course but the emotional pain had been dormant within me and in my body in the form of an energy blockage. Both ailments that I suffered from in 2011 were in my root chakra–I never knew about the chakras before and I had been kind of resistant to learning about that kind of stuff. But it kept coming up in my search for answers to how to heal from this last ailment. It helped me to put it all together when I read that health issues in the root chakra area may have to do with issues of abandonment. Then it all came clear in the AHA moment I talked about in a post (see Oct. 2011) and I was able then to process and heal this inner trauma.
Since then I feel different–healthier, physically stronger, and wiser and with so much more clarity and calmness. For the last month, when thinking about what I was going to write for this post I was trying to think of a word to describe this feeling. Then I saw Jane Fonda speak on Oprah and on Dr. Oz and some other shows and I resonated so much with what she was saying about “wholeness” and I realized that is it! I feel “Whole”.
I feel I have come full circle into living my life with the vitality of my whole true self. I feel more centered and grounded with an exhilaration about the wonderful things to come and for all that I have learned from where I have been. I am so grateful for what feels like a second chance at life. I have learned how to relax and enjoy my life. It has been such a rollercoaster of a spiritual journey to come to this place and time where I can say that with confidence and amazement. In 2004, when I started writing my songs and process through the layers of grief and pain that kept coming up and were holding me back, I never would have dreamed it was possible–the pain seemed endless as I worked through my childhood truths that had previously been long hidden away from me. There was something inside of me that KNEW that going through the pain was the only way to get to the other side–that finding my true self was only possible by changing the “faulty BELIEFS” about myself that had formed in early childhood.
And now here I sit feeling very much healed with a new-found ability to recharge and comfort myself and find inner peace no matter what life throws at me and know with complete confidence and trust that everything is going to be okay. I am telling you this because I want all of you to know it is possible for you too. I feel so strong in spirit now with so much to give to assist other highly sensitive souls to heal from their abuse or neglect from childhood.
I look at the content on this blog and there is so much self-help information here–I am amazed at how I did it! I remember it just flowed out of me easily for almost 2 years, ideas coming to me all the time. I really was just going with the flow in my life at the time–it takes a lot, getting informative posts ready for public view. I look over this blog and it feels like it is “complete’–I have had people tell me that it is an entire self-help book in itself. Some people tell me they read 2 posts a week and it helps them so much. Others tell me they start at the first post and read it like a book.
If you are looking for some emotional support and guidance, there is much content that I have written in the comment sections of each post where I have in the past answered each and every person’s comment. I am no longer able to do that now due to some new projects. Some wonderful comments were approved without a reply from me when I was, unfortunately, too busy to get to all of them. Frequent commenters have been jumping in occasionally to give support to other commenters when I am not able–it is wonderful to see this happening. Thank you to those of you who have reached out to help others in this way.
Please know, I am here–I am reading your comments and I know you are out there–I understand and KNOW first-hand the emotional pain you are experiencing as you try to make sense of the confusion and destruction of the spirit that is left behind from a childhood of being diminished and not being able to express your true voice or be truly “seen”. I send my love and message of hope to you all. I hope this blog will be a safe place that you can come to for comfort, encouragement, compassion, and most of all healing.
UNDERSTANDING THE HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON:
In my early forties, I felt empowered when I discovered that I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). I now understand that being an HSP is a gift and for this I am truly grateful. It means I am highly “intuitive”–not highly “insecure” or “weak” as many people have been wrongly led to believe by our American culture and media. It also means that I am “Sensory”-sensitive which is not about emotionality–it means I am sensitive to sensory input that causes me to feel overstimulated at times–HSPs take in 5 to 10 times more stimuli in our environments than non-HSPs. HSPS are highly creative and often visionaries. Here are some other things I learned about being an HSP that I would like to share:
1) MANY HSPS ARE HIGHLY EMPATHIC. Until you understand the benefits of being an HSP, it can be very difficult to understand why you are so different from those around you and why you yearn to “fit in”. HSPs feel things more deeply and we can empathize with the feelings of others so completely that we often unwittingly “take on” the negative feelings of those around us. We can end up feeling “bad” and have no idea why and blame ourselves for it when actually the feelings belong to the person we were just talking to (or sometimes even someone we have just been near). When we feel bad for no reason, the common reaction for HSPs is to blame ourselves and mentally beat ourselves up. For example, we say to ourselves, “what is wrong with me; I should be happy; everyone else seems happy and carefree so there is something wrong with me that I feel this way; I must have emotional problems; I am flawed compared to everyone else” etc. When we can recognize that the emotions we are feeling are from others, we can learn to stop this negative self-talk and let go of and release this negative energy that we have absorbed.
2) HSPS ARE OFTEN TOO HARD ON THEMSELVES. Becoming aware of how you are treating yourself in your head is becoming aware of your “inner critic”. Your inner critic is always negative and always wrong about you. Becoming aware of your inner critic is powerful. Once you become aware that you are listening to your inner critic you must stop and say to your self, “No, that is not true about me!” Then replace these thoughts with positive affirmations such as “I love and approve of myself; I am safe; I am supported and cared for by the Universe (God); and I am a highly intuitive soul and I am sensitive for a reason”. Being able to change the way you treat yourself and talk to yourself will change your life!
3) HSPS ARE LOVING, COMPASSIONATE SOULS. When you love and approve of yourself as you deserve to be, you begin to shine the light that is inside your soul. This light is the gift of the highly sensitive soul: you innately see the good and the potential in other people; you look to yourself to improve rather than blaming others or expecting them to change; you are able to empathize with other people’s feelings with compassion; you are a trusting and loyal friend; and a very good listener. These are wonderful gifts for a person to have for they are rare—and it is usually only the rare and highly sensitive friend that would point this out to you.
4) HSPS OFTEN NEED TO LEARN HEALTHY BOUNDARIES. Being the kind and caring soul that you are, if you are not seeing the value of that, your worthiness, you will often attract relationships with the kind of negative energy that your inner critic is reflecting. Also, people who are less sensitive and not intuitive at all are often drawn to HSPs because we absorb their negative feelings and they feel better around us. Some of these relationships can really confuse us because these non-HSPs can “act” very kind and generous when they want something from us. These are actually people we need to avoid because they drain us and are unable to reciprocate the giving nature that we need and deserve in a friendship. Ending relationships with people who are really takers and manipulators rather than givers is a giant leap towards becoming the person you dream to be. When you are able to take this final step for yourself and start listening to your inner guidance that is your gift, you are well on your way to a life of emotional vitality and wholeness.
As a final note of support, I want to say that as a highly sensitive and intuitive person, you are part of a group of 15 to 20% of the population that is deep, caring, and compassionate with much love to give. Our giving nature is an inspiration to others who are also part of this 15 to 20% and a gift to the entire planet’s population. There is a percentage of souls on this planet that are existing “for themselves” and are not able to experience or give love to others– these include people with narcissistic personality disorder. I believe these people are disconnected completely from their true essence and light due to atrocities and abuse so severe that they have had to “check out” and the dark beliefs they were forced to accept are now running their lives due to their own free will. They do not want to be fixed, healed, or change so do not waste your precious energy trying to fix them, heal them, or take care of them. They are like energy vampires and they insidiously try to put out our “lights” and diminish our belief in our gifts. You do not have to be around anyone who makes you feel bad or zaps your energy or light even if it is a parent or family member. One fifth of the population is over 1 BILLION PEOPLE–and empathetic compassionate people are out there. When you begin to love yourself as you are, stop comparing yourself to others, and protect your self and your energy from negative, manipulative, selfish, or unhealthy people by staying away from them while you are healing, you will start attracting and finding more compassionate people like yourself in your life. Do not settle for superficial relationships–take the road less traveled. It is the path to love and enlightenment and inner peace. With love and warmest wishes,
Roxanne (formerly Elaine–I am no longer going by my PEN name–see About Me for details)
P.S. This page is now a static HOME page–in order to read my latest posts you must click on “BLOG” at the top of the page or in the sidebar under PAGES. :)